


The Chatfic No One Asked For

by Honey_Milk277



Category: IT - Stephen King, Stranger Things (TV 2016), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Anyways they're all best friends, Boris is a cousin too, Chatlogs, Eventually The Goldfinch Gays and The Bowers Gang will join in, F/F, F/M, I am filling all this out later right now I'm just trying to upload for my friend, M/M, Multi, Oh my god I'm not tagging all the relationships, Other, Richie Tozier and Mike Wheeler Are Cousins, The Losers Club (IT) Stay in Derry, rn it's just the party from stranger things and the losers, this is basically based off of my discord server
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:47:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21533212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honey_Milk277/pseuds/Honey_Milk277
Summary: Basically there's only one Chatfic I like soHad to write oneBased a lot off of the discord server bc we're all fuckin crackheads
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough & Richie Tozier, Boris Pavlikovsky & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Beverly Marsh, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Beverly Marsh & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier & Mike Wheeler, Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky
Comments: 29
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

Parta Uno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

King_Trashmouth started a groupchat  
King_Trashmouth added seven contacts

\-----------------------------------------------

Saturday, November 23rd, 1:07 AM

Her Majesty: fuck

King_Trashmouth: thank you

King_Trashmouth: wonderful starter Beverly we truly value your wisdom

Benny: be nice :(

Robin: It is one in the morning. Who is trying to die.

Wheezy Back: Richie

Her Majesty: Richie

Benny: Richie

King_Trashmouth: Y'ALL RLLY THROWING ME UNDER THE BUS LIKE THIS HUH

King_Trashmouth: SMH

King_Trashmouth: I'm only here for the real hoes bill and mike 😔

The Lords Shepherd: please kill Richie

King_Trashmouth: WHAT

Her Majesty: GET FUCKED RICHARD BAHAHAHA

King_Trashmouth: all my baes have betrayed me

King_Trashmouth: minus Bill

King_Trashmouth: Bill marry me

Big Bi(tch)ll: no

King_Trashmouth: whAT THE FUCK IM SOBBING

Benny: its one in the morning Richie

King_Trashmouth: yeah and

Robin: go to Sleep.

King_Trashmouth: no you can't stop the party

Her Majesty, Benny, Robin, Wheezy Back, Big Bi(tch)ll, The Lords Shepherd have gone offline

King_Trashmouth: You spiteful little motherfuckers :((

\-----------------------------------------------

Saturday, November 23rd, 2:00 PM

King_Trashmouth: alright let's try this shit again

King_Trashmouth: GOOOOOOOD MORNING LOSERS !!!

Her Majesty: good morning

Her Majesty: also shut up Robin Williams headass

King_Trashmouth: :(( you're supposed to be my queen what the fuck

Big Bi(tch)ll: that's very hetero of you Richie

King_Trashmouth: 😳

King_Trashmouth: who wants to get their dick sucked

Big Bi(tch)ll: stop

Her Majesty: me

Wheezy Back: stop

Robin: stop.

King_Trashmouth: WAIT BEV WHAT THE FUCK

Her Majesty: you heard me ;)

The Lords Shepherd: I wasn't religious before today but I have the sudden urge to pray for you all

Robin: praying Doesn't help. Trust me.

King_Trashmouth: awww stanny prays for us

Her Majesty: truthfully id pray for us too

Benny: I pray all my friends become born again Christians

Her Majesty: Ben you are not a Christian nobody in this friend group is

Benny: wait no it's from an anime

Benny: :((

King_Trashmouth: haha Ben's a weeb

Benny: shut up sailor moon

Her Majesty: GET FUCKING OUTTED

King_Trashmouth: YOU LITERALLY WATCH SAILOR MOON WITH ME WHAT THE FUCK /BEVERLY/

Her Majesty: no proof.

King_Trashmouth: WHAT

Wheezy Back: what the fuck is anime

Robin: oh god.

The Lords Shepherd: yeah idk what anime is either

King_Trashmouth: :))

Big Bi(tch)ll: Eddie Mike I am

Big Bi(tch)ll: so sorry

Her Majesty: run

Wheezy Back: ??????

The Lords Shepherd: yeah so I change my mind I don't want to know

Saturday, November 23rd, 3:10 PM

The Lords Shepherd: tell me why richie just spent over an hour sending me and Eddie pictures of big tiddy cartoon girls in our DMs 

Her Majesty: WHAT

Her Majesty: AND Y'ALL DIDNT FUCKING INVITE ME

Her Majesty: FUCK YALL FR

King_Trashmouth: C A R T O O N

Big Bi(tch)ll: yeah he sends me anime girls with big boobs all the time 

King_Trashmouth: you enjoy it ;)

Big Bi(tch)ll: I really don't :/

Robin: he does What

King_Trashmouth: ;)

Robin: send me one and I will personally Destroy your bloodline Richard. 

Benny: oo full name 

Her Majesty: Stan commits murder part 60

Her Majesty: can I get an f in chat for Richie 

The Lords Shepherd: f

Benny: f

Big Bi(tch)ll: f

Wheezy Back: f 

King_Trashmouth: F

Her Majesty: no you dumbass the f's for you 

King_Trashmouth: I can give myself and f wtf

Robin: an*

Benny: Stan, the grammatical hero we needed but didn't deserve

Wheezy Back: I don't think that's grammar

Big Bi(tch)ll: spelling 

Benny: oh 

Benny: oops

Her Majesty: yo why is Stan running down my street full speed 

King_Trashmouth: might have sent him a big tiddy anime girl for correcting me

Her Majesty: OH MY GOD

Benny: KFHSKDKFJSJ!?????

The Lords Shepherd: guys please no I can't get off work for another hour I can't stop stan from committing man slaughter 

Her Majesty: STAN YOU DROPPED YOUR ,,, I FORGOT ITS NAME 

Her Majesty: STAN????

Benny: oh my god he has AirPods in he cant hear us 

Big Bi(tch)ll: LDHSJDHSHSH BEN

Benny: :)

King_Trashmouth: HELP HELP HES AT MY DOKR HELP MY MOTHER IS ANSWERING NOOOOOO

Wheezy Back: wait Mike why are you texting at work

The Lords Shepherd: I can look away from loading sheep into the pen for a second

The Lords Shepherd: PENELOPE GOT OUT 

The Lords Shepherd: THIS IS WHY I CANT DEAL WITH Y'ALL

The Lords Shepherd: BRB

Her Majesty: my SWEET DAUGHTER

Her Majesty: COME TO ME COME HOME 

Wheezy Back: smh this is why you don't play on your phone at work 

King_Trashmouth has sent an image.

Her Majesty: KDJSJFJSJDJD STAN PLEASE YOU LOOK TERRIF

Her Majesty: PENELOPE

Her Majesty: PENELOPE MY SWEET BABY I SEE YOU IN THE DISTANCE OMG BRB BRB

The Lords Shepherd: HOW DID SHE GET OUT BY YOU SO FAST THIS IS UNFAIR 

Benny: oh god stan please don't kill Richie we need him alive 

Benny: also Bev be careful :(

Wheezy Back: kill him stan it's what he deserves 

Big Bi(tch)ll: Bev give Pen a kiss for me !!!

Her Majesty sent an image. 

Her Majesty: reunited at last

Benny:  🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️

King_Trashmouth has sent an image.

Her Majesty: aRE Y'ALL REALLY JUST WATCHING FUCKING GHOSTBUSTERS 

Her Majesty: IM COMING OVER WITH PENELOPE

Her Majesty: Also just for u Billiam

The Lords Shepherd: BEVERLY DONT YOU DARE TAKE THAT LITTLE TROUBLEMAKER OVER THERE SHE NEEDS TO COME BACK HOME

Her Majesty has sent a video.

Big Bi(tch)ll: thank you my queen  😔

Her Majesty: NOOO MIKE ITS MY VISITATION TIME 

Her Majesty: BEN BILL GET READY ME AND PENELOPE ARE COMING 

The Lords Shepherd: N O 

Her Majesty: Y E S 

Benny: sorry mike but I want to pet the baby

Big Bi(tch)ll: we'll make sure she gets home at a reasonable hour

The Lords Shepherd: my grandpa's going to kill me

The Lords Shepherd: screw it im coming too 

King_Trashmouth: hurry uppppp

King_Trashmouth: and someone bring pizza while you're at it

Her Majesty: IM PUTTING PIZZA ON THE SHEEP

The Lords Shepherd: BEVERLY DO NOT.

Her Majesty: SEE YOU THERE MIKEY  😘

Wheezy Back: I am not eating sheep pizza 

Benny: sheezza

Big Bi(tch)ll: Ben 

Benny: yes ? 

Big Bi(tch)ll: I love you 

Benny: :)

Big Bi(tch)ll: but please never say that again

Benny: :(

\-----------------------------------------------

Saturday, November 23rd, 7:00 PM

Her Majesty: can't believe my daughter got taken away from me

Her Majesty: again

The Lords Shepherd: she had to come home with me Bev :(( Grandpa was calling me and freaking out 

Her Majesty: smh she's a young lady she deserves a night out

The Lords Shepherd: my grandpa loves you but he loves not getting in trouble with the police bc the sheep got out more 

Wheezy Back: understandable

Benny: can she also be my daughter ?

Her Majesty: me and Bill are her parents already but Fuck yeah Ben you can be her third dad 

Big Bi(tch)ll: of course Ben :) 

Benny: !! :))

Wheezy Back: plus the fact she kept bouncing between you and Bev I think she definitely likes you 

Benny:  🥺

King_Trashmouth: haha even the sheep ships it

Benny: what

Big Bi(tch)ll: otp

Her Majesty: KSJAJDHSHS SHUT UP

Her Majesty: we true otp tho ;)

Benny: Skfhfjejsjfjsjfhj???bbsbb!:&:&73$:!:!:!/$;&/&;&

The Lords Shepherd: Bev please don't kill Ben

Robin: Bev please refrain from killing one of the few people I can tolerate. 

Her Majesty: am I included on that list ?

Robin: yes.

Her Majesty: !! :D  💙

Robin:  ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday , November 23rd, 7:30 PM

This is a private conversation between user Benny and Robin.

Benny: looks at hands

Robin: I told you.

Robin: I know all.

Robin: and I'm her best friend so.

Benny: what do I do 

Robin: you're asking me, the guy who didn't know how to tell Mike I'm aro, so instead I said thank you when he asked me out.   
  


Benny: :((

Benny: also for real?

Robin: yes.

Robin: anyways change of of topic back to Bev.

Benny: WAH

Robin: :)


	2. Oh God Here We Go Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen  
> I gotta cut this shit up  
> I am  
> So sorry  
> I'm dying too  
> Anyways the boys are back in town

Parta Dos

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, February 5th, 4:00 PM

King_Trashmouth: GUESS WHOS BACK FROM VACATION BITCHES

Her Majesty: TRASH MAMMAL

King_Trashmouth: BEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Benny: welcome back richie !!!!

The Lords Shepherd: Richie ! How was Indiana?

Wheezy Back: you better have brought souvenirs

Big Bi(tch)ll: yeah Georgie wants the gift you promised he's been asking all day

King_Trashmouth: I in fact did bring souvenirs ;)

King_Trashmouth has added 10 contacts.

Her Majesty: oh whoa what the fuck

Robin: What did you do.

King_Trashmouth: Losers, meet The Party. Party, meet The Losers ;)

El: hello?

MadMax: Tozier what is this

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: Richie what the shit

King_Trashmouth: relax cous these are my homies from Derry

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: do not call me cous

The Bard: oh worm

Her Majesty: worm

Big Bi(tch)ll: this is going to be chaos I can feel it

Robin: I'm afraid.

The Bard: OH HEY YOU ADDED ROBIN???

King_Trashmouth: yes but not your Robin

King_Trashmouth: that's my bitch Stan

Robin: call me your bitch again and I will remove your tongue forcefully.

King_Trashmouth: bitch

Her Majesty: I'm not warning you if I see Stan booking it down my street this time

Robin: it's too cold outside anyways. You live, for now.

Will The Wise: hello ? I just got back from dinner what is this

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: Richie decided to throw us into a group chat

Will The Wise: oh

Will The Wise: well nice to meet you all!

Her Majesty: you have a pure baby energy

Will The Wise: thank you?

Her Majesty: you are welcome sweet summer child

King_Trashmouth: Bev stop being weird

Her Majesty: you didn't introduce anybody so no

Her Majesty: fuck you

King_Trashmouth: :((

Benny: I want to say hello but I'm terrified of the fact that there's suddenly ten new people

MadMax: since Tozier isn't going to introduce anybody

MadMax: hi I'm Max

El: I'm El

The Bard: Name's Dustin

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: Mike

Will The Wise: I'm Will :)

Robin: I'm Stan.

Her Majesty: Bev at your service ! :)

Benny: hello I'm Ben

Wheezy Back: oh there's new people and we're introducing ourselves okay

Wheezy Back: I'm Eddie

Big Bi(tch)ll: I'm Bill :)

The Bard: nice to meet you all

Big Bi(tch)ll: nice to meet you too

************************************************

The Lords Shepherd has sent an image.

The Lords Shepherd: for you miss beverly

MadMax: is

MadMax: is that a sheep in a bow

Her Majesty: PENWJJKA

Her Majesty: PENSIEKEOEPLE

King_Trashmouth: take your time

Her Majesty: P E N E L O P E

Her Majesty: IM FUCKING COMING

El: what's a sheep

The Bard: oh yeah

The Bard: how do I explain a sheep

Robin: Sheep  
/SHēp/  
noun  
1\. a domesticated ruminant animal with a thick woolly coat and (typically only in the male) curving horns. It is kept in flocks for its wool or meat, and is proverbial for its tendency to follow others in the flock.

El: oh

El: none of that made sense but thank you

Robin: it's a fluffy animal.

El: oh!

The Bard: thank you stan because I had no idea how to even try to explain that

Robin: you are welcome, Dustin.

MadMax: so y'all really just have a sheep

Her Majesty: Her name is Penelope and she is my daughter

Benny: Bev please don't text and ride your bike :((

Her Majesty: fuck the police

The Lords Shepherd: yeah! I work on my grandpas farm so we have a whole flock of sheep

The Lords Shepherd: we have one or two dairy cows too

The Lords Shepherd: and some other bigger animals

Big Bi(tch)ll: wonderful little ladies

Wheezy Back: didn't you name one fucking Gertrude

Big Bi(tch)ll: that was stan

King_Trashmouth: yeah mike works on a farm it's pretty cool

Will The Wise: :0 that's so cool! I've never been on a farm before

MadMax: Mike when you go visit Richie you should bring us all and we can go see the farm

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: oh god no

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: I'll bring El and Will and that's it

The Dustin: What the hell Mike

MadMax: smh cant even bring your Zoomer

Robin: fuck the police was Bev's famous last words.

Robin: also don't you dare talk shit about Gertrude.

Robin: Gertrude is a beautiful young lady and her name is wonderful.

King_Trashmouth: for a grandma :/

Robin:

El: WHAT IS THAT

King_Trashmouth: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST STANLEY

Benny: wait what do you mean Bev's famous last words?

Robin: she fell off her bike because she was texting. I was walking down the street and saw her. I tried to help her but she hopped on her bike and left.

Benny: BEVERLY

Her Majesty: IT IS OKAY MY NOSE IS ONLY BLEEDING A LITTLE BIT

Her Majesty: BUT IT WAS WORTH IT BECAUSE GUESS WHAT

Her Majesty sent and image.

Her Majesty: SHEEP KISSES !!!!!

Benny: oh that is cute I can't be mad :((

MadMax: oh shit okay cute girl and cute sheep

El: ^^^

Her Majesty: LDHSJFJWJRJWJ????????????? THANK YOU BUT OLEASE FOCUS ON THE SECOND LOVE OF MY LIFE

King_Trashmouth: am I the first :)

Her Majesty: no.

King_Trashmouth: :((

Big Bi(tch)ll: OH

Big Bi(tch)ll: OH I AM ON MY WAY NO THATS NOT FAIR SHE GETS SHEEP KISSES AND I DONT THIS IS FAVORITISM

The Bard: I cannot give the sheep a kiss physically but I have given him one in spirit

Her Majesty: BILL SHUT UP YOU DIDNT NEARLY BREAK YOUR NOSE HAULING ASS OVER HERE TO SHOWER OUR DAUGHTER IN LOVE

The Lords Shepherd: Penelope thanks you for the kiss Dustin

The Bard: you are welcome miss Penelope :)

El: I want to kiss the sheep :(

MadMax: we will

MadMax: we'll sneak into the back of Mike's car when they go visit

El: :)

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: EL IS ALREADY COMING

MadMax: and now so am I

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: NO

MadMax: Yes

The Bard: IM COMING TOO

SINclair: coming where

The Bard: LUCAS

The Bard: come with us to meet Richie's friends pet sheep

The Lords Shepherd sent an image.

Benny: IS THAT A FLIWER CORNWAJDJDJJDJD

Robin: two crowns for two queens.

Her Majesty: uwu🌸

SINclair: oh

King_Trashmouth: that is the cutest shit I have ever seen

King_Trashmouth: Sorry Ben I'm stealing your girlfriend and your daughter

Benny: :((

Benny: w a i t

Her Majesty: be nice to Benny >:((

King_Trashmouth: yes your majesty

MadMax: Mike I swear to god if you don't bring us with you so I can put a flower crown on that sheep I will feed you to the demogorgon

Wheezy Back: the demo what now

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: long story

Benny: wait I just realized it's cold out :(( Bev and Bill you better have taken a coat with you guys

Big Bi(tch)ll: I did

Benny: :))

The Lords Shepherd: Bev is too busy playing with Penelope but I can confirm she did not wear a coat

Robin: Can also confirm.

Benny: Bev no

The Lords Shepherd: "Bev yes" - Bev, as she got tackled by Sam

The Lords Shepherd: so it came out more like "Bev yESHAJDJSJS"

MadMax: Sam ?

The Lords Shepherd: farm dog :)

MadMax: I'm literally going to skateboard all the way from Hawkins to Derry

MadMax: where is Derry and how long would it take

King_Trashmouth: it took us about 17 hours via car ride so

MadMax: FUCK

Robin: Derry is in Maine. So, to walk that would be....

Robin: roughly 343+ hours. Give or take since you would be skateboarding.

The Bard: holy shit

Wheezy Back: yeah so stan knows all

El: that's far and really long

King_Trashmouth: know what else is really long ;)

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: FINISH THAT AND I WILL KILL YOU.

Robin: I will also kill you.

MadMax: ditto

King_Trashmouth: :((

Benny: did you guys just form a kill Richie squad

Wheezy Back: please count me in too

King_Trashmouth: WHAT THE HELL EDDIE :((

Wheezy Back: you've had it coming for far too long

The Bard: Kill Bill but Kill Richie

The Lords Shepherd: Ben, Stan please come get Bill and Beverly

Robin: Branded.

Robin: also what did they do now?

Her Majesty: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING THis is slander :((

The Lords Shepherd: they accidentally unlatched the gate while playing with Penelope and Sam and now the sheep are in the field when they're supposed to be inside because it's cold out

King_Trashmouth: y'all are terrible parents

Her Majesty: fucking fight me Bitchard

MadMax: honestly me too Bev and Bill me too

Big Bi(tch)ll: thank you max :(

King_Trashmouth: puts fists up

Her Majesty: 

King_Trashmouth: WHAT THE FUCK

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: LAJDJSOUEDJJFJJDJEJSJ

MadMax: AIDLSJJ OH MY GOD

King_Trashmouth: I AM NOT A BOTTOM ASK EDDIE'S MOTHER

Wheezy Back: hey yeah so when's the Kill Richie squad coming to its first meeting because I'm ready.

King_Trashmouth: you would never kill me

Wheezy Back: bet

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: bet

MadMax: bet

King_Trashmouth: I feel personally attacked :(

Robin has sent an image.

King_Trashmouth: WHAT YOU'RE ALL THERE WITHOUT ME

Robin: I started walking back that ways while we were talking about Miss Gertrude.

Benny: I am currently two minutes away because I want to say hello to Penelope and help put the sheep inside before they get sick

MadMax: imagine living that close to each other

El: we do live that close to each other

MadMax: but we only all band together on weekends

The Lords Shepherd: Ben, the angel we needed but didn't deserve

Her Majesty: petition to change Ben's nickname to Angel

King_Trashmouth: granted

King_Trashmouth has given admin access to user Her Majesty.

Her Majesty has changed Benny's nickname to Angel.

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: I'm your cousin and I don't even get admin this is bullshit

El: do you really trust yourself with "admin"

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: .... no

MadMax: she doesn't even know what admin is and she still called your ass out

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: shut uppppp

The Bard: I want to come help herd sheep :((

Angel has sent a video.

Angel: WAIT WHEN DID MY NICKNAME CHANGE

Angel: KDHWHHS BEV????????

Her Majesty: can't talk sheep trying to become my backpack

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: what

El: ????

MadMax: that is

MadMax: quite possibly the weirdest sentence I have ever heard

Robin has sent an image.

The Lords Shepherd has sent a video.

King_Trashmouth: STOP BEING CUTE WHEN IM NOT THERE YOU BASTARDS

Will The Wise: oh my goodness I want to ask my mom for a pet sheep now

El: please

MadMax: PLEASE

The Bard: I beg

Wheezy Back: please let Penelope know that even though she is dirty I still love her

Her Majesty: she is clean shut your whore mouth

Wheezy Back: rude

El: lol

MadMax: LDHAJFJ LMAO

Robin: I have been blessed by the presence of the true love of my life; Gertrude.

Robin has sent an image.

The Lords Shepherd: you only love me for my cows :(

Robin: that is true.

The Bard: /chokes/

MadMax: 

Robin: I am not gay.

The Lords Shepherd: unfortunately

Big Bi(tch)ll: unfortunately

Her Majesty: LDHSJJSJDJFJJSJFJS

Her Majesty: STANLEY GETS ALL THE HOES

King_Trashmouth: fucking Stan stole all my hoes this is bullshit what the fuck

MadMax: wait so you're a hettie?

Robin: disgusting.

Robin: no.

The Bard: I'm hettie :((

Robin: unfortunate.

Angel: I am also hetero :(

Robin: I cannot say anything mean about Ben.

Angel: :) !

King_Trashmouth: mostly because Beverly would scalp you

Her Majesty: that is a tru

Angel: BEVERLY JUST GOT KICKED IN THE STOMACH

MadMax: oh fuck is she okay???

Robin: it was the goat Richie named, so no.

King_Trashmouth: YEAAAAH 420 MAKE DADDY PROUD

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: you

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: you named a fucking goat 420

King_Trashmouth: yup

Robin: he gave the goat weed and then named it 420 when it fell over baked off its face.

MadMax: YOU DID WHAT

King_Trashmouth: HE ATE MY WEED that was his own fault

The Lords Shepherd: he made my goat a stoner

The Bard: oh my god

El: poor goat :((

Robin: you shouldn't have brought weed to Mike's farm anyways, fool.

King_Trashmouth: LISTEN

Robin: listening.

King_Trashmouth: I'm baby

Robin: no you're not.

MadMax: no you're not

The Bard: no your not

Her Majesty: 420 IS TRYING TO EAT MY FUCKING PANTS RICHARD COME GET YOUR SON

King_Trashmouth: atta boy I raised him well

The Lords Shepherd: Trashmouth Junior has been put in time out

MadMax: gay baby jail

Her Majesty: GAY BABY JAILSKAHAHSHAHAHHAHAHA

Big Bi(tch)ll has sent an image.

King_Trashmouth: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABY BOY

Her Majesty has sent an image.

MadMax: KDHAHDHAH FUCK YEAAAAH GAY BABY JAIL

Her Majesty: YEAAAAA !!!!!!

King_Trashmouth: let my son go :((

King_Trashmouth: I'll come rescue you 420

Her Majesty: come and try

Her Majesty: I'll feed you to Diablo

King_Trashmouth: NO OKEASE

MadMax: ??? Another farm animal?

The Lords Shepherd: our residential demon, yes

El: demon???

The Lords Shepherd has sent an image.

Angel: I would try to defend him but he's mean :((

Angel: and scary

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: WHAT IS THAT EW WHAT THE FUCK

Robin: that is a turkey.

Her Majesty: from hell

MadMax: god he looks like it

The Lords Shepherd: yeah so our neighbor had a turkey and it had babies and we got one

The Lords Shepherd: we let him grow up and get big and fat for thanksgiving but

The Lords Shepherd: long story short we have tried to kill him every year for thanksgiving but he always pecks my grandpa til his hands are bleeding

Big Bi(tch)ll: and on top of that this thing has been run over like

Big Bi(tch)ll: two times

Robin: long story short; he will Not die.

Her Majesty: he used to be called Sweetums but he's a bastard devil and he lost sweetums rights

MadMax: sweet Jesus

MadMax: that is one badass turkey

Angel: don't encourage him :(((((

King_Trashmouth: that fucking devil incarnate will follow your ass home and kill your family and first born and gobble at you menacingly afterwards

The Bard: that is oddly specific

Will The Wise: I think he's handsome

Her Majesty: Will you are too kind

Her Majesty: Diablo will kill you quickly

Will The Wise: wh

Will The Wise: what

King_Trashmouth: BEV AHDHDKDJHFJS WHAT THE FUCK

The Lords Shepherd: she speaks the truth

The Lords Shepherd: Diablo will murder you

The Lords Shepherd: no offense Will

Will The Wise: none taken I'm just concerned for you all and that turkey

************************************************

MadMax: so anybody know why they all died

King_Trashmouth: honestly? No clue

Wheezy Back: I wanna say they got sidetracked getting the sheep back inside but I don't think it takes that long

Her Majesty sent a video.  
Her Majesty sent a video.  
Her Majesty sent a video.

King_Trashmouth: FUCKIGUSJDJDHHD DIABLOOOOOO

Wheezy Back: Jesus Christ I hate that bird

MadMax: oh my god why is he so god damn angry

El: that is

El: a very scary bird

Big Bi(tch)ll: so we all had to split up to escape Satan

Robin sent an image.

Robin: please get me out of the horse stall with these fools.

The Lords Shepherd: I am offended

Big Bi(tch)ll: Ben? Bev? Where you guys at?

Angel: we're stuck in the shed outside :(

Angel: I think Bev dropped her phone trying to record Diablo chasing us

The Lords Shepherd: that's not good

Angel: and Diablo is /screaming/ outside so we can't try to get out and get it

Big Bi(tch)ll: do you guys need a distraction?

Angel: please im freaking out

Angel: - Bev

Robin: Omw

King_Trashmouth: whoa Stan never uses acronyms or stops using proper punctuation

King_Trashmouth: wait shit Bev is it one of those times?

MadMax: ??????

El: is she okay?

Will The Wise: oh god are you all alright?

Wheezy Back: once Diablo leaves them alone they should all be okay

Wheezy Back: hang in there Bev and Ben

King_Trashmouth: Ben can Bev use your phone for a second

Angel: yeah

Angel: yeah sorry I'm trying to calm her down

MadMax: ?????

************************************************

Big Bi(tch)ll: I have never seen Stan that mad or scary

Robin: the bird had it coming.


	3. Birds Fly & Bev Is A Tik Tok Thot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically just a continuation of the last chapter 😔
> 
> Boris n Theo will join next chapter !!!
> 
> I pinkie promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so gd damn tired I need to go back and add in the reaction images kill mee

Saturday February 4th, 8:00 PM

Big Bi(tch)ll: I have never seen Stan that mad or scary 

Robin: the bird had it coming. 

Her Majesty: MY PHONE HAS BEEN REUTUFNSNED

Her Majesty: RETURNED

Her Majesty: stupid bird got it muddy

Her Majesty: fuck that bird

El: you all lived :) 

The Lords Shepherd: Yuh!

Angel: I can't believe stan threw Diablo like a football 

Her Majesty: its even better because the stupid bitch was just like

Her Majesty: :0 

Robin: he has never met god before. He has today. 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: did you just refer to yourself as god

Robin: yes.

Angel: Maturin who? I only know Stan

Will The Wise: matcha what now 

Her Majesty: turtle god 

Her Majesty: cool dude

MadMax: Huh

King_Trashmouth: so you know how the universe is a frog

Angel: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PIECE OF SHIT HOMESTUCK

Her Majesty: god damn Ben got a vendetta against homestuck fr

The Lords Shepherd: BENJAMIN 

Angel: I'm sorry but he forced me to read /all/ of homestuck with him last week and

Angel: you all know I'm not one for violence but I almost took his computer and broke it over his head

Big Bi(tch)ll: fair the first act is boring and long 

Big Bi(tch)ll: and Richie wants to fuck Dave Strider more than he wants to breathe

King_Trashmouth: I DO NOT

Her Majesty: sure Jan 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: you do. You tried to dress up as him for Halloween. I have the images. 

King_Trashmouth: STOP.

Her Majesty: hey mike

Her Majesty: you should dm me those

King_Trashmouth: BEVERLY MARSH DONT YOU DARE

Her Majesty: who's going to stop me

Her Majesty: god?

King_Trashmouth: yes :(

Robin: no.

King_Trashmouth: :((((

Angel: don't mess with her

Big Bi(tch)ll: she has the power of god and anime on her side

MadMax: KDHSH 

Her Majesty: S C R E A M I NG

Robin: she does. I'm both.

Her Majesty: Bill I beg of you draw anime god stan 

Will The Wise: if I knew what he looks like I'd draw him too ! :)

Her Majesty: OH WORM??

King_Trashmouth: oh god 

Her Majesty: you draw ????

Will The Wise: yeah! 

Angel: we'd love to see your drawings sometime ! :) 

Will The Wise: sure ! 

Will The Wise has sent an image. 

Angel: That's so cool!!! 

Robin: I would give you actual money to draw me. Somehow. 

Will The Wise: oh you don't have to 

Her Majesty: !!! 

Her Majesty: YOOO TUMBLR COULD NEVER 

MadMax: MHEHFHSHFJSJ SHOTS FIRED 

King_Trashmouth: dont u use tumblr Bev 

Her Majesty: shut up 

King_Trashmouth: KEHSHSJ??? Beverly Marsh is an angry e girl watch out she's gonna throw jars of her bath water at you 

Her Majesty: actually I should do that 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: excuse me 

El: I ,,, Bath water? 

MadMax: El trust me this is the one thing you don't want to know about 

The Bard: why the fuck did I come back to bath water 

Her Majesty: listen 

Her Majesty: listen 

Her Majesty: if some tik tok thot can just sell her own damn bath water and get hella rich then so can I

King_Trashmouth: TIK TOK THOT

Her Majesty: you heard me

King_Trashmouth has changed user Her Majesty's nickname to Tik Tok Th0t

Tik Tok Th0t: BITCHASS MOTHERFUCKER

King_Trashmouth: DHELKFHSHAHAHAHAHA

Robin: im not mad. I'm just Disappointed. And mad.

Tik Tok Th0t: bruh ,,,

King_Trashmouth: I thought you were bae ,,,

Tik Tok Th0t: TURNS OUT YOU WERE JUST FAM

The Bard: TURNS OUT YOU WER E JSUT FAM

MadMax: TURNS OUT YOU WERE JUST F A M

King_Trashmouth: splendid work meme sluts

Robin: I hate you all let me out of here.

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: take me with you take me with you

Robin: no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the days don't add up idc I'm tIRED


	4. The Trio Is Here Run For Your Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's two am and Beverly has made a mistake   
> Now all three chaotic dumbasses are here   
> Fear for your lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking love writing cryptic chapter titles and summaries  
> I'm not even sorry anyways this is for u JustARllyBadWriterLol   
> You asked and thus you shall receive  
> Also I'm so sorry if they're not full crackhead   
> They will once I get a better grasp on their characters 😔✊

Fuck the date it's 2 AM

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: quck

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: quick

Stop Calling Me Wheeling: beverly while tichie is asleep and cant stop us give me admin 

Tik Tok Th0t: not even gonna question it here you go 

Tik Tok Th0t has given user Stop Calling Me Wheelie admin. 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: thank you you will not regret this

Stop Calling Me Wheelie has added 1 contact to the chat.

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: Theo 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: Theo I know you're awake 

Ptaszyna: what if I'm not 

Ptaszyna: fuck

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: invite Boris

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: he still has me blocked 

Ptaszyna: what even is this

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: Theo pls

Ptaszyna: sigh

Ptaszyna: since you asked so nicely 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie has given user Ptaszyna admin. 

Tik Tok Th0t: wait hold on what's going on 

Ptaszyna has added one contact. 

Angel: guys please it's 2 am :((

Tik Tok Th0t: Sorry babes get some sleep :((

Angel: I will try to fall back asleep

Tik Tok Th0t: goodnight cutie !! 💙

Angel: goodnight ! ❤️

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: what the fuck is this

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: BORIS

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: bitch.

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: NO WAIT 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: look who else is here

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: who

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: look dipshit

Ptaszyna: oh god what have I done 

Tik Tok Th0t: more like what have I done Richie's gonna kill me

El: why are you all awake 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: sorry but it's important you can go back to sleep

Tik Tok Th0t: I'm not sure but sorry for waking you up miss El 😔

El: its alright I cant really sleep anyways 

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: RICCHARD >:^))

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: THERE YOU GO

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: I will unblock you for this gift cousin :^) 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: thank you and you're welcome 

Ptaszyna: wait

Ptaszyna: Richie is here? 

Tik Tok Th0t: yeah he made the original groupchat then added everybody besides you and Russian screaming dude 

Ptaszyna: oh god oh fuck 

Tik Tok Th0t: ??¿?

Ptaszyna: I apologize in advance

King_Trashmouth: I just sat up in a cold sweat why is my fuck face alarm going off 

Tik Tok Th0t: Huh

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING]: hello cousin >:^)

King_Trashmouth: MOTHERFUCKER

King_Trashmouth: BEVERLY MARSH WHAT DID YOU DO 

Tik Tok Th0t: OH SUCK MY DICK I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING IT WAS YOUR COUSINS DOING 

King_Trashmouth: M I C H A E L W H E E L E R I W I L L D E S T R O Y Y O R B L O OD LIN E

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: you're a part of that bloodline 

King_Trashmouth: AND?

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING]: what you don't like me cousin :^((

King_Trashmouth: I'LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER FUCKFACE 

Batman's Robin: who are all these children and what the hell is going on 

Robin: next person to wake me up at 2 am is going to get pushed down the clown's well I swear to god. 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: Sorry Robin welcome to uh 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: this groupchat I guess 

Batman's Robin: you're lucky Steve is covering my shift tomorrow or I'd beat your ass Wheeler 

Tik Tok Th0t: hi I'm so sorry 

Ptaszyna: we have the three horsemen of the apocalypse here we're all fucking doomed

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: rude

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING]: rude ptaszyna :^(

King_Trashmouth: oh shut it Theo >:((

Ptaszyna: jackass

King_Trashmouth: fight me four eyes 

Ptaszyna: YOU LITERALLY WEAR GLASSES TOO WHAT

King_Trashmouth: SHUT UP TAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND AND GET OUT

Ptaszyna: BITCH

The Lords Shepherd: what the fUCK

Tik Tok Th0t: :000

Tik Tok Th0t: MIKE

The Lords Shepherd: WHY ARE YOU ALL AWAKE AND FIGHTING I HAVE TO WAKE UP IN FOUR HOURS TO WORK 

Batman's Robin: #relatable

El: Robin ! 

Batman's Robin: oh hi strange child #4

El: why are you awake

Batman's Robin: Steve is taking my shift tomorrow since he owes me 

El: oh

Batman's Robin: you don't know what a shift is do you

El: no

El: Hopper didn't teach me that word yet 

Batman's Robin: time to put on my adult pants 

Tik Tok Th0t: wait you're an adult 

Batman's Robin: yeeesss??? One year off but might as well be one 

Tik Tok Th0t: :0 

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: there is adult? Lame

King_Trashmouth: shut up you're lame 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: Robin isn't lame she's cool 

Batman's Robin: thank you Wheeler

El: Robin is very cool :) 

Batman's Robin: 💙

Robin: please I just want to Sleep.

Batman's Robin: wait is there another Robin 

Tik Tok Th0t: no that's our buddy Stan 

Tik Tok Th0t: he just really likes birds 

Tik Tok Th0t: also Stan put your phone on do not disturb

Robin: oh. I forgot that exists. Thank you, this is why you're my favorite Beverly. 

Tik Tok Th0t: :') 😔✊💙

Batman's Robin: wait how many of you are children

King_Trashmouth: I AM NOT A CHILD

Tik Tok Th0t: you are

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: you are

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: you are :^)

King_Trashmouth: I will kill you both 

Tik Tok Th0t: most of us are like 15 so 

Batman's Robin: ah

Batman's Robin: oh god Steve's gonna go crazy 

Tik Tok Th0t: ????

Batman's Robin: he has a thing for befriending children 

Batman's Robin: not in a weird way he's just like ... a mom friend or something idk its late I'm tired 

El: go to sleep :(

Batman's Robin: I would but I would like to savor the feeling of not having to be asleep bc I don't have to work in the morning 

The Lords Shepherd: mood but cannot relate

Tik Tok Th0t: MIKE TO TO SLEEP 

Tik Tok Th0t: Penelope needs you at your best or else she'll get out again 

The Lords Shepherd: don't lie you want her to get out again 

Tik Tok Th0t: not denying it

Batman's Robin: Huh

Tik Tok Th0t: scroll up 

Batman's Robin: I'm lazy 

Batman's Robin: but aight

Tik Tok Th0t: now I'm tired its late goodnight weirdos Richie don't kill anyone I want new friends 

King_Trashmouth: can't make any promises 

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: :^((

King_Trashmouth: USE EMOJIS LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: you do not use emojis

King_Trashmouth: listen

King_Trashmouth: fuck you 

Batman's Robin: WAS THAT A SHEEP 

Batman's Robin: WHO WORKS ON A FARM

The Lords Shepherd: that would be me :)

Batman's Robin: AAA THATS SO COOL I want to pet a sheep I'm making Steve drive me up there when we have a weekend off 

The Lords Shepherd: I'm sure the babies would love to meet you two!!! As well as the other losers :)

The Lords Shepherd: you may have to check your trunk and backseat though because maaaaxxxx???? Wants to sneak up here with Mike when he visits 

Batman's Robin: yeah I have no control over that Steve can't say no to them and it's his car 

The Lords Shepherd: well the more the merrier :)

Angel: wait

Angel: wait beverly LFHSKRKJ$3$/9-8$3:$?/?/??.??:????


	5. Masturblazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the boys just have the dumbest conversations and that's okay!   
> ( Please save Mike H and Stan )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bro idk   
> NDBSBDBS  
> Enjoy ;3

Tik Tok Th0t: alright boys 

Tik Tok Th0t: consider the following

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: no

Tik Tok Th0t has kicked user Stop Calling Me Wheelie from chat.

Tik Tok Th0t: so as I was saying

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: BAHAHAHAHA GET FUCKED COUSIN

El: Mike :((

MadMax: finally 

Will The Wise: Mike :(

The Bard: can I get an f in chat

Tik Tok Th0t: no

Tik Tok Th0t: he was rude

Tik Tok Th0t: no mercy for the damned

Robin: Beverly. 

Tik Tok Th0t: yes? :3

King_Trashmouth: please for the love of god invite him back he's blowing up my dms like a motherfucker

Robin: you're literally the only person who has him added.

Robin: and you're leader ( as regrettable as that is ). 

King_Trashmouth: oh yeah

King_Trashmouth has added user Stop Calling Me Wheelie to the chat. 

King_Trashmouth: wait

King_Trashmouth: WTF STANIEL

Robin: Die.

Tik Tok Th0t: SO AS I WAS SAYING 

MadMax: oh yeah

MadMax: continue

Tik Tok Th0t: thank you

Tik Tok Th0t: okay so what if there's a bunch of different universes 

Tik Tok Th0t: like a universe where I'm a guy and you're all girls 

Tik Tok Th0t: or where Winona Ryder is my wife 

Will The Wise: my mom kind of looks like Winona Ryder ....

Tik Tok Th0t: I'm marrying your mom 

Will The Wise: please don't 

The Lords Shepherd: Bev don't marry people's mothers bc they look like famous people you have a thing for 

Tik Tok Th0t: OKAY BUT WINONA RYDER IS HOT

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: BITCH !!!!

Tik Tok Th0t: SHUT UP WHEELIE the adults are talking

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: fight me Thot

Tik Tok Th0t: aight fists up bitch 

Tik Tok Th0t: after I finish talking 

Angel: Bev how many times did you rewatch into the spider-verse ?

Tik Tok Th0t: yes

Tik Tok Th0t: BUT SERIOUSLY MULTIPLE UNIVERSES !!

Tik Tok Th0t: there could be one where I'm full homo not just half 

Tik Tok Th0t: Stan could be the biggest loser ever cause he sure as hell ain't it in this universe 

Robin: 💙

Tik Tok Th0t: ! 💙💗💙💗

El: multiple ... universes?

El: like the bad pla- upside down?

Tik Tok Th0t: the what now

The Bard: not sure if I'm legally allowed to tell you all this but there's a mirror of our world and it's called the upside down

Big Bi(tch)ll: creative name 

The Bard: yeah, I know 

Will The Wise: the upside down sucks 

El: very

King_Trashmouth: we don't have an upside down but we do have a McDonald's and that shit sucks

Wheezy Back: you literally buy that shit every couple of days what the fuck are you talking about 

King_Trashmouth: only the fries !!!

Tik Tok Th0t: ive been with you when you were high as fuck and bought like four Big Macs and ate them all within seven minutes

King_Trashmouth: that doesn't count I was baked off my face

Angel: I was with you when you bought two double quarter pounders and then dared yourself to shove them down your throat 

King_Trashmouth: I'm a growing boy :(

King_Trashmouth: and besides they shut down Steak 'n Shake so my munchie food got taken away from me I have to resort to McDonald's 

Wheezy Back: they literally shut it down because it was infested with cockroaches 

Tik Tok Th0t: okay I feel on the munchie food thing 

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: hey guys :^)

King_Trashmouth: no 

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: what do you call masturbating while high? :^))

Tik Tok Th0t: high jacking 

King_Trashmouth: weed whacking 

Angel: masturblazing

Tik Tok Th0t: BENSMAJSJDFJJSDN O HMY GFODYCK 

The Lords Shepherd: it's called disappointing your mother and me 

Angel: I can be funny sometimes :)

Tik Tok Th0t: BEN'S MY FAVORITE I LOVE HIM ANDHSJFJSJG

Angel: :0

Batman's Robin: can confirm it's called masturblazing or high jacking 

The Bard: of course you can 

Batman's Robin: LISTEN HERE HENDERSON 

Batman's Robin: WE WERE HIGH ONE TIME BECAUSE THE RUSSIANS DRUGGED US

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING]: does not sound very Russian 

Batman's Robin: they were evil and were torturing me and Steve thinking we worked for the government 

Ptaszyna: that sounds Russian 

Angel: hold on what 

Angel: I was going to do something but

Angel: what

Batman's Robin: long story 

———————–——————————————

Big Bi(tch)ll: so is nobody going to ask them to elaborate?

Big Bi(tch)ll: no? Just me? 

Big Bi(tch)ll: okay


	6. Milk & Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If anyone gets the title reference I will cry  
> Anyways  
> Shoutout to Crys   
> Makin me actually wanna write a chapter and making me scream internally but smile like a smug little bitch  
> Love you   
> Biiiiitch  
> Ain't never gonna stop loving you   
> Biiiiiiiiiiiitch

King_Trashmouth: okay. Ultimate friendship test

Tik Tok Th0t: oh no

Big Bi(tch)ll: Richie not again

King_Trashmouth: what vine am I 

Tik Tok Th0t: what to I'm Jared I'm 19 and I never fucking learned how to read 

King_Trashmouth: painful but accurate 

Big Bi(tch)ll: aa. Aaa. AAAAA.

King_Trashmouth: LOV EIT YES

Angel: that's literally all of us though

The Lords Shepherd: us @ peepeewise

Tik Tok Th0t: PEEPEEWISE MIKe I'm CREAMING

The Lords Shepherd: you're 

The Lords Shepherd: you're what now

Tik Tok Th0t: I meant screaming but also maybe I'm making cream cheese from miss Gertrude 

Robin: please do not touch miss Gertrude 

Wheezy Back: you're the fucking potato vine

Tik Tok Th0t: A POTATO FLEW AROUDN MY ROOKKM

Wheezy Back: yes that one

Robin: which one is the most annoying.

The Lords Shepherd: Richie I love you but you give me vibes of that one where the dude launches his forehead into the doorway and it goes into the Mii song 

King_Trashmouth: that is literally the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me thank you Michael 

The Lords Shepherd: never call me that again 

Angel: so I'm sitting there

MadMax: BARBECUE SAUCE KN MY TITTIES

Tik Tok Th0t: BARBECUE SAUCE ON MY TITTIES

Tik Tok Th0t: GOD DAMNIT MAX

MadMax: BAHAHAHA

MadMax: GET FUCKED BEVERLY

The Bard: wait

The Bard: wait are we bonding over vines 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: oh god we got Tik Tok thot and vine slut over here

The Bard: I know about your secret vine where you did shitty dnd vines 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: don't know what you're talking about 

The Bard: bitch do I need to remind you of sir binkle the brave

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: so anyways Dustin's blocked 

The Bard: TELL MIKE TO UNBLOCK ME I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR HIM 

Ptaszyna: The Bard: TELL MIKE TO UNBLOCK ME I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR HIM 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: what Dustin 

The Bard: sir binkle 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: that's it I'm coming over and stuffing your DnD dice down your throat

The Bard: You wouldn't

King_Trashmouth: ah nice to see my cousin torture someone else for a change 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: hey Boris 

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: да

King_Trashmouth: NO NO NO GET THE FUCK OUT ITS VINE TIME LEAVE BEGONE 

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: :^(

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: придурок

Ptaszyna: English fucker

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: he is jackass 

King_Trashmouth: eat my ass

Wheezy Back: Richie that is literally so unsanitary what the fuck 

King_Trashmouth: not what you were saying last night ;)

Wheezy Back: beverly get your dog.

Tik Tok Th0t: sorry Eddie after the sun comes up he's not my dog anymore 

Wheezy Back: okay fucking 

Wheezy Back: lion bitch from lion king 

El: her name is sarabi get it right :(

Tik Tok Th0t: yeah Eddie 

Tik Tok Th0t: get it right

Wheezy Back: shut up 

King_Trashmouth: anyways Stan is that uh 

King_Trashmouth: I ain't get no sleep cause of y'all 

Tik Tok Th0t: rt 

Angel: rb 

The Lords Shepherd: r- what is rb 

Angel: oh uh reblog 

Robin: I am that vine. I will bang pans together and Not let you sleep. Especially you Richard. 

King_Trashmouth: WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME :((

Tik Tok Th0t: love that he added this time 

Robin: nothing. Yet.

MadMax: the king of being ominous 

Robin: thank you 

Angel: we stan 

Big Bi(tch)ll: horror writers could never

Big Bi(tch)ll: looking at you Steven Bing 

Ptaszyna: get fucking called out


	7. What the fuck do I name this chapter please help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I  
> Don't know man  
> They're just being crackheads  
> Based off some shitposts I did today KSBDNSB  
> Enjoy ;0

Tik Tok Th0t: I'm going to kill Richie 

King_Trashmouth: :3

Wheezy Back: what'd he do this time

The Lords Shepherd: ???

Angel: you know how he put that speaker down here last week when we were all hanging out ?

Robin: he did it again didn't he.

El: ? 

MadMax: uh oh 

Tik Tok Th0t: HE DID 

King_Trashmouth: come on you know you love my taste in music ;)

Tik Tok Th0t: play boom boom boom I want you in my room one more time and you'll be going boom boom all right

King_Trashmouth: kinky!

Tik Tok Th0t: I'm going to break his neck. I swear to god.

El: what's ,,, boom boom boom I want you in my room? 

King_Trashmouth: B O O M B O O M B O O M I W A N T Y O U I N M Y R O O M

The Bard: spend the night together together in my room 

King_Trashmouth: oh I love you 

Wheezy Back: I hate all of you 

Robin: I'm going back to bed. I cannot deal with you clowns. 

The Lords Shepherd: goodnight sweet prince

El: I didn't ,,, get an answer

MadMax: its a song El 

El: oh! Have I heard it?

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: no and I hope you never do 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Big Bi(tch)ll: Alright which one of you motherfuckers taught Georgie "Okay, Boomer."

Tik Tok Th0t: LOL WHAT

Big Bi(tch)ll: which 

Big Bi(tch)ll: one of you

Big Bi(tch)ll: motherfuckers

Big Bi(tch)ll: taught my little brother

Big Bi(tch)ll: okay boomer

Angel: what happened?

Wheezy Back: ten bucks it was richie or Bev 

Tik Tok Th0t: I TAUGHT GEORGIE THE DOGE MEME NOT OKAY BOOMER 

Big Bi(tch)ll: dad told him to clean up his room because his stuffed animals were everywhere and he just looked him dead in the eyes and went "okay, boomer" 

Angel: oh my goodness

Tik Tok Th0t: holy shit I cant believe my son straight destroyed his own father

Big Bi(tch)ll: so I may be getting grounded 

Wheezy Back: Bev please don't call Georgie your son then follow it immediately with calling his dad father

King_Trashmouth: wow I cant believe Beverly Marsh fucked Zack Denbrough

Big Bi(tch)ll: never refer to my father by his first name again

Tik Tok Th0t: wait

Tik Tok Th0t: WAIT NO 

Big Bi(tch)ll: ALSO DID YOU TEACH GEORGIE OKAY BOOMER

King_Trashmouth: oop gotta go help my mom bake bbl

Big Bi(tch)ll: pussy. 

Angel: wait what about Bill's dad

Tik Tok Th0t: he's not even a dilf who would fuck him 

Big Bi(tch)ll: STOP 

Tik Tok Th0t: LMAO IM SORRY 

The Lords Shepherd: every day we stray further from dog

El: what's a dilf

MadMax: NO.

Tik Tok Th0t: we stray further from dog

The Lords Shepherd: Huh

The Lords Shepherd: OH SHOOT

Angel: dogs are god confirmed 

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: we have known for long time dogs are god

Ptaszyna: speaking of 

Ptaszyna: can I please get Popper back 

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: no. Popchyk is mine now. :^)

Ptaszyna: god fucking damnit Boris

El: you are all... 

El: gross.

El: dilfs are gross. 

MadMax: EL TOU LOOKED JT UP????

Tik Tok Th0t: time to gO -

El: yes :((

MadMax: I can hear mike now 

The Lords Shepherd: I keep forgetting I'm not the only mike anymore 

Big Bi(tch)ll: you're the og mike don't worry 

The Lords Shepherd: :)

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: no he's not wtf 

Tik Tok Th0t: how old are you wheelie 

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: no. I'm og.

The Lords Shepherd: coward

Big Bi(tch)ll: our Mike is og to us 

The Lords Shepherd: uwu🌸

Tik Tok Th0t: did

Tik Tok Th0t: did mike just fucking uwu

Big Bi(tch)ll: yes he did


	8. Bippity Boppity bonding time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas and Steve have arrived  
> Mostly  
> Anyways !!!  
> I'm running out of ideas lord save me

Batman: where am I and who are all these strange children

The Bard: MOM

Batman: SON 😄

Batman's Robin: about time you got here Harrington 

El: Steve !

Batman: hello miss el 🙂

Batman: also be nice robin ☹️ I've been taking a lot of shifts

Batman's Robin: so have I dingus 

SINclair: okay sorry I haven't been active 

The Bard: hey !!!! Lucas !! It's okay 

SINclair: Erica took my phone and "lost it" and wouldn't give it back 

Batman's Robin: sounds like something she'd do 

Angel: has anyone seen richie? 

The Lords Shepherd: last I saw him was a couple of hours ago going over Eddie's 

Angel: @Wheezy Back is Richie over there ?

Wheezy Back: no he left a little bit ago

Stop Calling Me Wheelie: war flashbacks 

Will The Wise: it's okay mike I'm right here !! :)

Tik Tok Th0t: heard y'all were talkgng dhit 

Angel: ????

Tik Tok Th0t: sorry that was richie 

Tik Tok Th0t: were @ the clubhouse btw

Tik Tok Th0t: hes stoned out of his mind 

Batman: wait how old are you he shouldn't be high 

The Bard: 😒

Batman: son

Batman: no

Angel: oh that makes sense !!

Angel: be safe :((

The Lords Shepherd: also hello @ people who just came on 

The Lords Shepherd: sorry we have to look after our weed buddy 

Tik Tok Th0t: he may be a pain in the ass and a stoner but we love him dearly 

Angel: rb 

The Lords Shepherd: rt 

Batman: idk who this child is but rt

The Bard: rt

Tik Tok Th0t: I showed Richie how much y'all love him and he's currently crying and saying he would die for you all 

Batman: not if I die for you first 

Batman's Robin: please don't die because then I'll have to deal with Kyle alone 

Batman: okay fair 

Tik Tok Th0t: oh I just realized I'm getting second hand high lmaoooo brb

The Lords Shepherd: akdhdh Bev good lord

SINclair: you all get high wtf 

The Lords Shepherd: they do 

Angel: they also smoke like chimneys but it's okay we still love them 

Ptaszyna: hm maybe I'll come visit and get high with you guys

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: Theo what the fuck :^((

Ptaszyna: Boris it's not what it looks like

Batman: I won't hesitate bitch

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: :^0

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: that is good meme very funny 

Batman: I cannot tell if your-

Batman: WAIT HOW OLD ARE YOU WHY ARE YOU GETTING HIGH

Ptaszyna: and I oop

Angel: sksksksks 

Tik Tok Th0t: I heard sksksk and sat up in a cold sweat 

Tik Tok Th0t: Ben what the fuck

Angel: it's funny 

The Lords Shepherd: Ben's a vsco girl

Angel: save the turtles !

Tik Tok Th0t: IM ACREMAJNGVVVVV????

El: have my hydroflask

Batman: ELSKSJDJD EL

Batman's Robin: this is meme hell 

The Bard: like you don't quote vines with me and Steve 

Batman's Robin: no proof

The Bard: okay boomer 

Batman's Robin: IM LITERALLY NOT A BOOMER WH

El: and I oop

Batman: please stop attacking your father Dustin 

The Bard: but it's fun 

Batman's Robin: you're grounded

The Bard: you're not my real dad

Batman's Robin: you're right

Batman's Robin: you're adopted

The Bard: :00

Batman: ORHAJD ROBIN 

SINclair: I have no idea what just happened but I have video games to play and max will kill me if I'm late

MadMax: yes I will

The Bard: please don't kill Lucas we need him 

Will The Wise: hes usually the only one with a braincell 

SINclair: not really but thank you


	9. Holy shit will y'all just fucking date already by fall out boy by panic at the disco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan is #done with these idiots pining and mike too  
> Anyways crushes are revealed  
> Ben is a furry  
> And Bill is still grounded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout if you catch the reference I put in here  
> No its not Sharp Objects or Shazam   
> It's more of the music variety ;)  
> Teehee

Will The Wise: okay normally I don't start a conversation but

Will The Wise: @ The Party

Will The Wise: can we play D&D for old times sake this weekend?

King_Trashmouth: haha u guys play D&D ? Nerds

Robin: you watch anime. It's the same thing.

King_Trashmouth: I AM OFFENDED staNIEL

Robin: don't call me that.

King_Trashmouth: THAT IS CALLED BEING A WEEB NOT A NERD 

The Bard: its the same thing just with animated characters 

El: does that mean watching Disney makes you a weeb?

The Bard: depends which movie

El: Zootopia

King_Trashmouth: that just makes you a furry :/

El: what's a furry?

Angel: hey :(( be nice to furries

King_Trashmouth: sorry forgot u were a furry Ben 

Angel: D: I'm not a furry

The Lords Shepherd: Sorry Ben but your graphic animal shirts prove otherwise

King_Trashmouth: Ben assign me a furry

El: wh

King_Trashmouth: *fursona

Robin: you're a raccoon because you're rabid and smell.

King_Trashmouth: thank you Stanley 

Tik Tok Th0t: and because you eat trash

King_Trashmouth: SO DO U

Tik Tok Th0t: do not 

Angel: Richie could be a parrot tbh because he's colorful and he talks a lot !

King_Trashmouth: :D

Wheezy Back: *he never shuts the fuck up

King_Trashmouth: you know you love me anyways ;)

Wheezy Back: can I call a meeting of Kill Richie Anonymous 

Robin: can't. Have plans with Mike and Bill tonight.

Tik Tok Th0t: thats gay

El: what animal would I be ?

Tik Tok Th0t: oh yeah I forgot we were doing that

Tik Tok Th0t: what animal would I be :0

Angel: I don't know you very well El but ,,, I feel like a ,,, cat ? Yeah I think a cat would fit

El: cats... are good I guess 

Angel: and Bev you're a !!!

Angel: f

Angel: fox or a tigress 

Tik Tok Th0t: OH SHIT

Tik Tok Th0t: FUCK YEAH I VIBE WITH THAT 

The Lords Shepherd: Ben what am I 🥺

Angel: !! You're a bull bc you're really strong and brave and protective !

The Lords Shepherd: its bc I work on a farm isn't it

Angel: ... a little bit 

Tik Tok Th0t: LMAO

The Bard: what about me Ben Solo :0

Angel: you're a bear or an axolotl Tin :)

The Bard: little offended @ the axolotl but cannot argue 

El: wait when did you guys become friends

Dustin: accidentally messaged him the other day trying to message Will since they're like right next to each other on my friends list

Tik Tok Th0t: look at my baby making friends

Angel: baby ? :0

Tik Tok Th0t: yes bc ur my baby boy 

King_Trashmouth: gay

Tik Tok Th0t: thats literally the most hettie thing I've ever said what

King_Trashmouth: cannot relate

Robin: shut up "walk walk fashion baby work it make it that bitch crazy".

King_Trashmouth: DO NOT DISS LADY GAGA

Robin: you're so gay it actually hurts

Wheezy Back: hey lady Gaga slaps

Robin: you're gay too

King_Trashmouth: *in a sexy pennywise voice* we're all gay down here

Tik Tok Th0t: SHUT THE FUCK UP

Angel: NO D:

Robin: Eddie call the meeting call the meeting

The Lords Lords: I wasn't in Kill Richie Anonymous club but count me in

MadMax: what's happening

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: I do not know what is happening but Richard is being a bitch

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: :^0

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: bitchard >:^)

King_Trashmouth: THATS NOT ORIIGNAL SHUT UP BORE-IS

Tik Tok Th0t: LoL get roasted by ur own cousin 

King_Trashmouth: speaking of cousins how are ur cousins u weirdo

Tik Tok Th0t: Nancy still has me blocked and Camille moved back to Saint Louis with Amma 

Robin: what did you do to nancy?

Tik Tok Th0t: flesh

Robin: oh yeah

El: what

MadMax: that is

MadMax: so cryptid

MadMax: ALSO YEAH @Will The Wise we can play d&d this weekend I got no plans

The Bard: OH SHIT I FORGOT TO ANSWER TOO YEAH IM SOWN @ WILL

Tik Tok Th0t: okay so my cousin Nancy hates the word "flesh" so 

Tik Tok Th0t: a few days ago when I was baked off my face I started texting "flesh" to her over and over again to try and get her attention

King_Trashmouth: how many 

Tik Tok Th0t: I think I got to 300 before she answered with "no" and blocked me

Angel: poor Nancy :(

Robin: Jesus beverly. 

MadMax: your poor cousin :(

Tik Tok Th0t: oh yeah I might have another cousin who lives in Germany according to my aunt 

Angel: how big is your family :0

Tik Tok Th0t: Too big 

King_Trashmouth: can't relate only have Mike and Bitchis

[ RUSSIAN SCREAMING ]: love you too cousin :^) <3

King_Trashmouth: die

Wheezy Back: I mean I have my cousin Freddy he's pretty cool 

Tik Tok Th0t: DIDNT WE SKYPE ONE TIME WITH UR COUSIN AND HIS ADOPTED FAMIL THEY WERE SO SWEEEEET WE NEED YO SKYPE AGAIN SOEMTIKE I miss them

Angel: !!! Yes please Billy is funny 

Wheezy Back: y'all only love me for my cousin and his family wtf

King_Trashmouth: I love you for your mother ;)

Wheezy Back: someone hold me back I'm gonna gut him 

El: get a room you gays

MadMax: SNEOTS

MadMax: EL BABE WTF

El: they're being gay right? 

Robin: yes they are.

—————————————————————

This is a private conversation between users Her Majesty and King_Trashmouth.

King_Trashmouth: SC R E AM S

Her Majesty: I just want to know how El picked up that y'all have a thing for each other I stg

King_Trashmouth: HE DOES NOT HAVE A THING FOR ME

Her Majesty: BITCH

Her Majesty: RICHIE HOW TF

King_Trashmouth: SHUT UP BEV DEADASS HE DOESNT

Her Majesty: UR SO DENSE

King_Trashmouth: Like you and Ben

Her Majesty: listen

Her Majesty: Ben May be dense but he's still cute as fuck

King_Trashmouth: the "flirts with their crush but gets ignored or confused for being nice" club 

Her Majesty: *gets confused for being an annoying dumbass in ur case

King_Trashmouth: SHUT THE FUCK UP

Her Majesty: L O L

—————————————————————

This is a private conversation between user Benny and The Lords Shepherd.

Benny: WHY DID SHE CALL ME BABY BOY 

The Lords Shepherd: her* baby boy

Benny: WAH

The Lords Shepherd: dude me and Stan have told you she totally likes you 

Benny: but why would she :((

The Lords Shepherd: for one the poem, for two you saved her life, and thirdly you're an amazing guy Ben I don't get who wouldn't like you 

The Lords Shepherd: if I wasn't already whipped beyond belief for Bill and Stan I'd be over the moon for you 

The Lords Shepherd: that sounded really gay I'm so sorry

Benny: it's okay !!! You and Bill and Stan are cute !! And 🥺 thank you mister mike 

The Lords Shepherd: you're welcome Ben ! But really you should shoot your shot some day

Benny: maybe 😔

The Lords Shepherd: I believe in you buddy ! :)

Benny: !! Thank you 🥺

—————————————————————

This is a private conversation between user Wheezy Back and Robin. 

Wheezy Back: why is he like that

Robin: because it's richie.

Wheezy Back: okay that's true

Robin: listen I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told ben. Ask him out for the love of god because if I have to see you two pine for each other any longer I'm going to kill you both. 

Wheezy Back: disgusting I'm not pining for that stupid pretty idiot

Robin: .

Wheezy Back: okay maybe a little bit

Wheezy Back: but I'm not going to ask him out because my mom will kill me if she finds out I'm dating Richie, much less not straight

Robin: I'll kill your mother.

Wheezy Back: STAN WTF

Robin: sorry, I've been around Richie and Bev too much. 

Wheezy Back: I'd say 

Robin: seriously though if you need me to send my flock of birds on your mother I will in a moments notice.

Wheezy Back: okay Snow White

Robin: :)


End file.
